Random Thoughts about Gender/Forum--Discussion

Hi all- Recently I’ve been into analyzing human behavior (I should have become a sociologist!) and had some questions that I’ve been pondering (SCARY!) People have made mention that a lot of ladies on this site/forum want a daughter.  I’ve noticed that usually that is the case.  Even if the person posting already has a girl and a boy (or a large mix of boys and girls), it seems that usually (not always the case, of course) they want another girl.  I’m interested as to why that is?  Is one gender “easier” to raise than the other?  Are we responding to society in general that seems to “favor” girls?  And really, does society favor girls?  Has the tide turned?  I remember back in the time of Henry the VIII when boys were the popular choice! I keep on trying to figure out why women seem to want girls.  I’ve always thought it would be great to have a “mini-me” - like I would somehow feel closer to my child because we are the same gender.  Do you ladies that want daughters feel the same way? I’m expecting my first child in June and my DH and I swayed for a girl and we are having a girl.  I was telling my DH that next time I plan to sway for a boy and he got irritated and told me that he didn’t want me to sway next time he just wanted to do it natural.  I asked about his desire to have a son.  He tells me that “Yes, I want a son, but I wouldn’t mind swimming in a sea of estrogen either.”  That got me thinking about our next child ----- it won’t be for at least 2 years so I have plenty of time!!!  I think I would be ok with a boy or a girl, but because I see a lot of posts on how much people want a daughter even after they already have one (and sometimes they already have a boy too) I get worried that maybe I don’t want a boy, KWIM?  Right there, I feel like because of me reading posts on IG, I’m already succumbing to my fear of wanting what “everyone else wants.”  Ideally, I would like to raise both genders because I’m interested in the experience of both, but I get scared when everyone keeps on wanted girls.  Sometimes I have to wonder if the GD forum makes it worse for people that are having boys because a lot of people that post would like a girl, but then again, these are my feelings and I’m not sure if anyone shares them. I thinking I’m just thinking out loud, but if anyone has insights, perspectives, thoughts, I’d like to hear them. I’m just interested in a conversation about this from others perspective. PS----I hope I don’t offend anyone or step on anyone’s toes with this post.  These are some observations I’ve made and I’m open to thoughts and discussion!

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I don't know!  But I'm not in that position, as I currently have 4 girls and I'm wanting a boy.  But when I got pregnant with my 1st I wanted a boy as well.  I wanted a good even mix of each, but wanted a boy or two for my oldests.  I don't understand or relate at all to people that want only girls.

 I agree there seems to be SUCH a heavy preference for girls, and I myself am not sure why it is so strong. Before I had children I remember thinking 2 boys and a girl or 2 girls and a boy seemed ideal, or even what I have (2 and 2)  Now I have gotten into my head that a family of all girls would have been ideal, and yet, society couldn't go on if we all had all girls, so what gives with this ideal for me? I am guessing the overall preference we are seeing is that mothers often spend more time with their chidlren and are familiar with girls because they are girls themselves, and boys seem more foreign and consequently less comfortable. I think stereotypes of thuggish, distant men or men who become detached once they marry also plays a part in a preference for females. But I also have wondered WHY is it that for eons, and in many countries still, boys are the preferred gender, whereas on this forum and (it seems) in the US in general, girls are what is celebrated? For me I can;t quite figure it out, but I think it's partially about sterotypes and partially about wanting to be able to identify with the child more easily (because of stereotypes and truisms).

 

I have 4 boys.  I have always wanted a girl because I was brought up around girls and was comfortable around girls.  Now that I have had 4 sons I am much more comfortable with little boys.  I still want a daughter though, but the reasoning is different.  I just want to experience both genders and I have imagined having a daughter forever and the thought of never seeing that dream become a reality is just crushing.  I am not a girly girl, so I don't care about pedicures and shopping and tea time.  I just want both genders.

I think you should have been a sociologist lol...good question. Just recently I found out there was a sociology class about gender differences at my school. Sounds interesting as I always think a topic like this would come up, would love to take it but I can't because my class if filled up, and I"m already taking another sociology class on American society..anyway, I don't get it. I like little boys alot. They have so much to offer as girls do, and have a great sense of humor, which I adore. It would be wonderful to have one, or more! I kind of hope to have two boys and two girls, but honestly I'd be thrilled to get at least one of each gender. I really want to analyze why are some women against little boys. Only reasonable reason I can understand is if they have a big fear of men. I understand that completely, thus can understand why one would not want a boy. But yet they still get married to a man who once was a BOY and still don't want boys, which I also don't get. They are scared/hate of men and yet they marry one . That for some reason is telling me, that women are just marrying their husbands for their own sakes and wants, and don't really care for a good marriage life =  cheating and greedy. Anyway, I think many women don't realize that boys do not fit the stereotype that many morons in society make them out to be. It's not true. The way bring you up your own child, the way you treat them and the love you give them, regardless whether you have a boy or a girl determines the kind of human being they will be when they grow up. So there will be wonderrful little boys and girls who will be independent, strong willed, and become leaders in the future, making contributions to society, and  there will be crappy little boys and girls who will bring negativity to society, if they grow up in a unloving environment or are raised to think they are of perfection. I honestly don't believe in stereotypes because you don't have to raise your kids to be like that. The people who do believe in this crap are the ones who raise their kids fit those stereotypes. Makes sense? I don't think anyone should take what other people say about their personal wants and desires because the world is full of no good overcritical people which I despise. It makes you seem like you have to perfect, in which no one is nor ever be.  You are entitled to your desire of a son, and I'm sure it would make alot of boy moms happy as I feel we need more women to raise loving little boys into strong independent young men . Don't listen to anyone who makes it seem like having a boy is some kind of tragedy, and I know there are people who do that. Those people who like to put people down on these things need to get a life because it's just showing they are stupid.

Another reason why I think women want girls is because of those materialistic things, the pink, frilly tutus..etc. Boys don't have that, so they may seem "boring", to some. From what I have heard, women tend to want girls because they are more "fun" to dress up and stuff.I admit it would be nice sometimes to do that, but  I can say that it'll lead them and their daughters into a bad direction if they get overboard with that stuff. I only want a girl just to enjoy the experience of having a daughter, not to turn her into a true real live princess. Same reason why I want a boy, just want to experience having a son.

Anyway, that's my intake . I am still trying to figure what makes boys less valuable than girls. They are human beings as well and deserve to be fairly treated as their opposite sex. It annoys me when people who have like 324042342328 girls still want more girls and would not even consider ONE boy ever, and think that even having ONE boy is some kind of disaster. Like that those comments one poster (who will have the loveliest child ) got the other day..."We will abort if it's a boy, we will sell boys, aren't you DISAPPOINTED it's a boy?"...needs a good @$$ whooping. They will also put that impression on their daughters as well and it will bite them hard later on, I am certain.  I've seen similiar situations like that around a few times and it's so sad and shameful.. Boys are so lovely and alot of fun. Girls are too. But this society needs to change BIG time.

I will be honest here, so don't flame me.   I did want one of each, just to experience both worlds.  But we had always talked about three kids, and I knew that I'd be happier with the 3rd being another girl.  My desire for a DD was a materialistic thing for the most part, I admit that.  I wanted a gymnast, cheerleader, girly girl.   Wanted the shopping and the weddings, so I want another DD to (and here's the bad part) up my odds of getting all that.   In my dumb head, I think I will have better chances of having these things having two DDs.   But in your situation I would want and understand wanting a boy next.

I should add that I'm not in denial about how selfish I am.  I realize this is horrible of me and so many women are suffering far worse.  I hate myself for even having a desire this go round. 

 I ask the same question?  I prefer boys over girls.  In my area boys are prefered over girls.  This site is the 1st place where I have witnessed that people prefer girls over boys.  I think it depends on where you are from.  

  I ask the same question?  I prefer boys over girls.  In my area boys are prefered over girls.  This site is the 1st place where I have witnessed that people prefer girls over boys.  I think it depends on where you are from.

I think most women would like a mix of girls and boys. I see some on here who have strong preference for only girls or only boys tho. To be honest, in my reading of posts etc. I think the mothers of only girls who want a son do not stay on this forum for as long as mothers of boys because in my opinion some of the posters (only some) feel that the only way they can 'get over' having only sons is by putting girls in general down. This gets very tiring to read. I'm not talking about "I have a boy and don't want another" or those kinds of posts. More the "I don't know why I even want a girl, they moan, etc. I hate princess stuff etc."  I realise its just a way to feel better about what you don't have but I never rubbish boys as I would like one some day, some of the women on here rubbish girls tho (only some) which is weird because they want one at the same time.

I can think of quite a few 'girl' mums who used to post on this site who seem to have disappeared....let's hope it's because their GD is gone.

I hope I have made sense.

I

In real life I dont know people who have this much preference for a girl. Yes a few friends wanted a girl over a boy, but not to the extent I read on here. And I have just as many friends who wanted boys more then girls. I dont think society in general favors baby girls, I just think its the women on this board since its a gd board. I was happy as can be with a boy as my first, in fact I really really WANTED a boy for my first and ever since I was a little girl I wanted a boy first. My sister and close friends are the same way.

mydominicanbaby:

 I ask the same question?  I prefer boys over girls.  In my area boys are prefered over girls.  This site is the 1st place where I have witnessed that people prefer girls over boys.  I think it depends on where you are from.  

Exactly what I was going to say... I was shocked when I came here...

My desire for a girl started with my deep unmet longing for a sister. I love my brother, but I wanted to experience having a sister too, and I didn't get that chance. I think that made the desire for a daughter really strong in me from an earlier age. It wasn't that I didn't want sons, but when I had a boy first and then another, I started to worry that this longing would go unmet in this generation too. I don't know how I would have felt about subsequent children if I'd had a girl first. I think I probably would have wanted at least one of each, and ideally I would have liked a balance. I think my ideal family would be two of each. That way I would get to parent both genders and every child would have a same-gender sibling. I don't think girls are better or more valuable than boys. Not at all. Each of my children is very special in a unique way.

 

Chloe:

I should add that I'm not in denial about how selfish I am.  I realize this is horrible of me and so many women are suffering far worse.  I hate myself for even having a desire this go round. 

I hate that you feel like that, you shouldn't. You want what you want, we all have our reasons and not one is better than the other. I guess it probably bugs me so bad because I feel like I am not allowed to desire another girl and have to justify it so it makes me sad when I see that this site has made another person feel the same way.

I don't believe that there is a simple answer.  I've been here for 3+ years and have seen a ton of reasons. 

I want a mini-me, I never had a sister, I'm a feminist, My mom abandoned me, My mom died, I want to raise a strong woman, I want a ballerina, I want to pass down my grandmother's recipes, I want a relationship like I have with my mom, I want to give my mother her first granddaughter,  I'm a girly-girl, My husband wants a daddy's girl, girl clothes/sports/activities are more fun....  Etc, etc.

And then there's the component about why one doesn't want a boy (loud, smelly, dirty, busy, too high-energy, will leave home, will only be a MIL, I'm a carrier for a genetic disease that is common in boys, boys are more prone to ADD/ADHD/Autism).  So by default, these women want a girl...

But yes, stay here in the GD Forum too long and you'll likely lose sight of what you really want getting mixed up in all the dysfunction.