Anyone get their gender but it not meet their expectations?

I was thinking about this the other day.  My husband really wants a son to do father-son things with like hunting, fishing, fixing cars etc.  But of course there is a chance that if we have a son he may not be interested in any of that.  Also, I see a lot of women on here wanting girls to dress up, shop with, get their nails done with but what if she doesn't want to?  I'm sure as toddlers and preschoolers it wouldn't be as evident as it would in adolesence.  Just curious if anyone had it in their head that things would be one way but they turned out differently?

bump!

For some reason, back when I had 2 DDs and wanted to ttc a boy, I used to worry all the time that he'd be gay. I have no idea why! Maybe because I wanted that boy in order to satisfy DH and his family's desire for a son/grandson, but I also worried that that would be an awful lot riding on that single boy, kwim? For instance, when I read descriptions of some ladies' 'dream dds', I could make a composite dream dd by taking traits from my 3, but it's hard to know if a single child could satisfy every expectation.

Congratulations on your pg! Wishing you a blue bundle.

It happens...I figured that when I got preggo with my DD if ever then it would be all rainbows and sunshine...it hasnt...a high risk,sick and stressful pregnancy,feelings of guilt and fears...all have thier toll on me daily...in the end it maybe okay but right now I am still in it deep...like buyers remorse...

i can actually say that when i hoped for a girl i did want one to do mother daughter things with like shopping and getting our nails done ext.... my dd is very girly. she loves me to do her nails and she likes to go shopping for shoes and clothes. she likes to hang out with mom. i dont get far from her. my boys would much rather be with their dad and think im boring lol i would love 1 more girl and 1 more boy though to complete our family. i hope my dd gets a sister to share her room with and do all the girly things that she loves and cant share with her brothers.

btw i wouldn't worry about an only boy being "gay" or to girly. like i said my dd is stuck in the middle of a bunch of boys and is not even close to being a tom boy. my friend has 2 girls and a little boy and he's very boyish and loves to play with my little boy and wont even come to the girls.

blessed2havekids:

It happens...I figured that when I got preggo with my DD if ever then it would be all rainbows and sunshine...it hasnt...a high risk,sick and stressful pregnancy,feelings of guilt and fears...all have thier toll on me daily...in the end it maybe okay but right now I am still in it deep...like buyers remorse...

Blessed, you didn't do high tech with number 4 right?  I thought I read that somewhere.  Anyway, what you describe, your feelings of guilt, is what I would feel if I were pregnant with a girl now or in the future.  I so get that.  And those are reasons why I am against another pregnancy altogether.  Don't want to push my luck, IKWIM.  I think it would be worse for *ME* if I went high tech. 

 Anyway, this is a GREAT topic.  I wonder if people don't really get what they wish once they have their dream child. 

I'm worried about something like this, too.  What if I have a daughter, and all she wants to do is follow her older brothers around and do what they do?  

My son is not interested in all the things my husband thinks he should be, but that doesn't stop him from following his father around in the yard, watching motorcycles and monster trucks, and playing like crazy.  I think if you have a son, he will be interested in enough of his father's actvities to satisfy your DH.  Boys really do tend to look up to their male role models; it seems to be mostly genetic.

claireb1y:

I'm worried about something like this, too.  What if I have a daughter, and all she wants to do is follow her older brothers around and do what they do?  

So?   Would your DD be forbidden to play and associate with her brothers????

I did not get the gender I wanted....but I never thought I would be this upset.  I think my mania and craziness appeared once I saw that a) there are hardly any girls being born where I am and b)in my experience a first boy means all boys.  ten years ago when I was in college and contemplating a family one day...I actually dreamed of a mixture, a boy and a girl.  I never said I needed just girls.  However, now that I am on that famous CNY "boy track" I am pissed off and scared....because I still want a girl at some point.  This panic came totally unexpected.

FinalScore3boys1girl:

claireb1y:

I'm worried about something like this, too.  What if I have a daughter, and all she wants to do is follow her older brothers around and do what they do?  

So?   Would your DD be forbidden to play and associate with her brothers????

I agree with FinalScore, I don't see the big deal with that either.  I'm not saying that you are like this but I often wonder and worry about some women wanting girls just to have someone to grow up and be their best (only?) friend and like what they like or want them to like.  That's a lot of pressure for any kid.

Even the woman on the UK GD documentary, (the one with the perfect life with the twin girls) her daughters were hopping right in with their brothers on their go-kart and looked like they were having a blast.  Yes they were walking around shopping with mum at 6 but I wonder how it will be in 10 or so years....

For myself, for my children I really dont have those expectations.  I just want to be supportive in whatever they want to do in life.  I just see many women on here despearate for their little girls and wonder if sometimes expectations were too high for the kids to live up to or that they just didn't have the interests the mom was hoping they did.  Just trying to hear all perspecitves of it.  I can't believe there isnt anyone on IG that swayed or went HT and things didn't turn out how they wanted even if they did get the gender they thought they wanted.

FinalScore3boys1girl:

claireb1y:

I'm worried about something like this, too.  What if I have a daughter, and all she wants to do is follow her older brothers around and do what they do?  

So?   Would your DD be forbidden to play and associate with her brothers????

 

Goodness, not at all!

I just wonder what kind of girl I would get (girly/tomboy/mix of both), and how much having two older brothers would influence her behavior and activities.

TnT:

My husband really wants a son to do father-son things with like hunting, fishing, fixing cars etc.  But of course there is a chance that if we have a son he may not be interested in any of that.

Mine too, and I think about this as well.

That's one reason why I want 2 boys.  Not only so one boy won't be stuck alone with 4 big sisters, but also so he wouldn't feel pressure to be everything we would want in a boy.  I would hope all of my kids would feel okay to be themselves and not be fake because of any expectations we might unknowingly put on them.

I'll let you know an answer to your question if I ever get to experience my desired gender...

Self Absorbed:

blessed2havekids:

It happens...I figured that when I got preggo with my DD if ever then it would be all rainbows and sunshine...it hasnt...a high risk,sick and stressful pregnancy,feelings of guilt and fears...all have thier toll on me daily...in the end it maybe okay but right now I am still in it deep...like buyers remorse...

Blessed, you didn't do high tech with number 4 right?  I thought I read that somewhere.  Anyway, what you describe, your feelings of guilt, is what I would feel if I were pregnant with a girl now or in the future.  I so get that.  And those are reasons why I am against another pregnancy altogether.  Don't want to push my luck, IKWIM.  I think it would be worse for *ME* if I went high tech. 

 Anyway, this is a GREAT topic.  I wonder if people don't really get what they wish once they have their dream child. 

no...just swaying.