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We are too sensitive - I'm included in "We"

yemonja

Not Ranked
Boy

Joined 05-07-2009

Posts 105

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yemonja

I just had an interesting interaction that I think demonstrates how we let our GD slant our perceptions about what other people prefer.

I was chatting with my co-worker about work when she abruptly asked how my DDs are doing.  I immediately showed her a recent photograph of the two and I beamed with pride because they are just so gorgeous.  She looked at the photograph, smiled, told me they were beautiful, and then asked, "Why don't you want a boy?"

Whoa!  Out of the middle of nowhere!  I have NEVER said anything even remotely negative about boys.  In fact, I have NEVER said ANYTHING about boys because the fact that I do not have a DS is very painful for me.  I immediately and non-defensively told her that I really do want a boy and that I hope the third time will be the charm.  She looked very relieved to hear this and promptly changed the subject.  We continued to talk about work instead.

She made the assumption that I did not want a boy based on my obvious love for my DDs when I showed her their photograph.  That is a HUGE leap to make - and one that I am guilty of myself.  Little did she know, I had moderate GD with DD1 and severe GD with DD2.  I have shed more than a few tears over my intense longing for a DS.  It is so fascinating to me that someone else would even think for a second that I did not want a boy.  As if the fact that I have two girls is indicative of that.  Or that I love my DDs means that I do not want a DS.

Anyways, I was not upset at all by this interaction.  If anything, it reminded me that we never know how others really feel and that we should do our best to avoid jumping to conclusions no matter how something might appear.

Like I said, I am guilty of this, too.  I have assumed that people are judging me or pitying me because I have DDs.  They might.  But they might not be, too.

Baby Girl 4


Baby Girl 1


Baby Boy -2 (due 2012)


I really, really, really wanted Baby Boy and Baby Boy.  But I love Baby Girl and Baby Girl.  Now, if I could only give them a little brother...

 

GreenZelda

Top 200 Contributor
Girl

Eastern Canada

Joined 04-24-2009

Posts 1,610

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GreenZelda

AgreeAgreeAgree

Yes!  And I think this fact can end up causing people a lot of unnecessary pain!

Baby Boy 2005
#1 MS/IVF/PGD July 2009 (HRC) - Transferred Baby Girl Baby Girl = It's twins! (yikes!)
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cutebubs

Top 500 Contributor

Joined 11-30-2008

Posts 858

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cutebubs

IG has taught me to never assume anything and never comment on gender either. I was as guilty as everyone else until i found this site. my first question to pregnant friends was always do you know what it is? I never say anything now, nothing at all, just congrats.

Its such a mine field and now im aware i dont go there at all. I over hear others making silly insensitive comments all the time. the days when the gender was always a surprise must have been easier. My own mother wasnt offered one with me (not given then) I suppose people were still dissapointed but I doubt it was on the scale it is now.

I also remember the big fuss when u/s was first part of screening, does anyone else? there was a lot of talk about not telling ladies gender, some hospitals would and some wouldnt say. we all expect to be told now and baby bond is booming. I wonder if it helps. I wonder if its made things better? I know theres valid reasons but what if there is no reason? I dont know

 

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