Ok...MAJOR GD setback

I am so ashamed of myself because I thought I was doing so well with this.  I am going to be doing HT in the summer.  So the first thing that is bugging me is this Microsort business.  The waiting and not knowing when they are going to take new patients is driving me INSANE.  I am getting encouraging posts from other members saying that they will be starting soon....and I am grateful for these posts and hope with all my heart they are true....but with the FDA you never know.  If I at least had this ball rolling I would feel better.

The other thing is the baby shower I was invited to.  One of the five baby girls in the central new york area was born to a friend of mine.  Not a close friend, but a friend.   Her husband has FOUR BROTHERS, no sisters,  and she gets a girl.  She had voiced this preference this past summer and of course got what she wanted. I truly thought I was going to be able to go to that shower, be a big girl and be happy for her.  But then I got that pink invitation in the mail and lost it.  I tore it to shreds.  After I got myself composed again, I just came to a realization that yes, I will get her a nice gift....but I cannot go to that shower.  If I pretend to be happy while I am there it will not work.  Why make myself miserable, and her too if she knows I am upset?  So the shower is off the agenda.  I spent a good part of Saturday crying, because 1) I have a fear that I will never get a daughter and 2) I was ashamed of myself for feeling this way.  But I have to realize that I am going through a hard time and maybe need to think of myself for a while.  My absence from that shower will be a small setback in her perfect, pink world.

With that being said, I am fortunate that my husband and I both agree that HT is definately on the table. I know so many women who would not be that fortunate.  So I am keeping my fingers crossed in that respect.  But wow am I ashamed of myself.  I thought I was doing so well!  :(

I did the same thing when my hubbys friend sent me an invite all pink and glittery after my 3rd son was born...she already had 2 boys at the time...she heard me saying I wanted a girl one day...GD is ugly!

This is what I tell myself. Atleast we live in a time where science is advanced enough to select the desired gender. Even if Microsort will not be approved there is PGD. MY MIL had/has/will always have bad bad GD. Even now she wishes she had a daughter. I feel sorry for her cos during her fertile years they didnt have a choice but just to pray that they get their desired gender. And another thing I want a daughter for myself not because of society, not because of anyone. Even if the whole world has boys I will still want a daughter. So others having daughters or sons dont affect me much because I dont care, I just want MY daughter. I am just letting you know the way I think if it will help you any.

sadierose:

But I have to realize that I am going through a hard time and maybe need to think of myself for a while.  My absence from that shower will be a small setback in her perfect, pink world.

Totally agreed and well put.   I know it isn't her fault/luck that she get's the girl, just totally agree with the setback in a pink world. 

Good luck with High Tech.  Sending pink baby dust, wait I have no pink dust...baby dust to you :)-

And don't be ashamed.  I think many of us get it!

Blessed---did you go HT?

I'm sorry to hear you had a setback

I guess that's the thing with GD, It strikes in all ways, sometimes when we least expect it.

I agree you should think of yourself with this one and not attend the shower if you don't think you can handle it.

Best of luck to you and your husband trying to get your baby girl

xx

I dont go to "girl" things either, like showers.. Bdays.  Right now, its just too raw for me and I dont feel bad about it either.  I just dont feel like I am obligated to do things that will make me upset. Ive hidden Christmas cards of baby girls and just the other day V day cards so I dont have to look at them b/c I really did feel bad throwing them out.  They stayed out of sight, and then when the season is over, out they go..w/ all the rest.  I have bonded more w/ friends that have boys over friends that have girls.  One friend has 2 boys, one has one boy..others have all girls or mixed.  I wish I could be different but I cant be. 

By the way, I will be doing HT also! 

no...swayed..

sadierose:

Blessed---did you go HT?

sadierose:

  I spent a good part of Saturday crying, because 1) I have a fear that I will never get a daughter and 2) I was ashamed of myself for feeling this way. 

I'm the same way. I haven't had any yet, but my DF and I are hopefully going to be able to try within the next couple years...

Anyway, sometimes I almost feel scared about when we'll be TTC because once it's done, it's done. It's not that I don't want boys, ideally I'd like a mix, but I really, really, really want a baby girl! Sometimes I drive myself crazy worrying that I won't ever get one. Whenever I see litttle girls out with their moms my heart melts and I feel jealous that that those women have a daughter and what if I don't? Last month I was at Ulta, and there was this adorable little girl there with her mom and this girl was obviously in heaven. She was begging her mom for all these nail polishes and body wash sets... Now this is probably awful of me, but the mom didn't seem very girly (I know, assumption). Not that that should matter... not that moms that aren't girly shouldn't have daughters or don't love their daughters. But I'm so girly, and then I see little girls like this and it just doesn't seem fair that other women get super girly girls for daughters, and what if I don't get one at all?

I feel so petty talking like this I wish I could say something to make you feel better but really, I have that same fear and am so ashamed of myself for having these thoughts and feelings. It's definitely not just you... I'm ashamed too.

OMG, PolkaDots...I feel the same way, and I also feel petty about thinking it LOL. Sometimes I see women that just aren't very (and I don't think I can say this politely, but here goes) feminine...and I think, geez, I deserve a girl so much more. I know how awful that sounds, but I really can't help thinking it!

 Oh, and Blessed...I can't wait to see pics of your little Julia! Everytime I see one of your posts I think, she is getting really close, now. Best of luck with your c/s next week!

"It's not that I don't want boys, ideally I'd like a mix, but I really, really, really want a baby girl! "

Polkadots and sunshine,

I could not agree more. I would LOVE a little girl to accompany my son.  He would be such a great older brother to any child, and a boy then a girl was my ideal family anyhow.   However, gender mixtures simply don't happen where I live, unless a girl is born first (and then its usually GB, GBB, GBBB, GBBBBB, GBBBBBBBB...you get the picture).  The girl that precedes the a boy is your last girl.  And if you have a boy first its no girls for you.  Most of the women I work with have 2 or more boys.  There is one woman with 3 girls and thats it.  So that is why it is HT or no more kids for Sadie.  I know it sounds horrible, but I definately do not want more than one boy, particularly since hubby and I only want two or three kids.  I will get my girl one way or the other....if three cycles of HT doesn't do it, I will adopt.  Thank you for your input everyone.    :-)