Anyone get their gender but it not meet their expectations?

I guess you can say this about me.

Getting your DG does do away with (well, mostly) all the wanting, the looking at other families and being jealous, walking past the girl/boy isles and have this very painful longing. 

But, getting your DG does not meet all your dreams and expectations, at least in my case.  I too, like Blessed, had a hard pregnancy.  The guilt I feel everyday about maybe favoring my dd is bad.  I look back now and realize everything I missed with my boys because my view was clouded with disappoitment about not having a daughter.  And I constantly worry about my dream getting taken from me.  I have not worried like this ever before.  It is truly a hugh mix of emotions that is hard.

And although my dd is only 17 months old, she is nothing like I dreamed.  She is a girl, I do get to dress her up and she likes bracelets....but everything else about her is so 'boy' (and yes, I am sterotyping, bad I know).  She is a walking tornado, so very active and messy.  Bites and screams when she doesn't get her way. And can throw temper tantrums that can outlast anyone.  She climbs everything she can.  SHe never sits still, hates to be confined.  I cannot take her shopping or to resturants.  I can also say many nice things about her.....but all because she is my kid.  Not because she is the calm, quiet, sweet, pink loving baby girl I dreamed of. 

I do hope that someday she will do mom/daughter things with me, but I really don't see that happening.  There are many days I think 'buyers remorse' too.  It was so very, very easy with my three boys.  If only it wasn't ruined by my desire for a girl. 

And I know, she is just being a toddler and it all will get easier...but right now, I am overwhelmed with 4 kids and my very high needs 1 year old. 

I hope your boy is everything you and your husband want him to be. 

ThreeBoys2Love-  That was such a powerful post.  It really helps put things in perspective.

Well, i don't know if this fits with this topic or not because I have not given birth yet, but I did high tech - IVF/PGD, spent a lot of money obviously, and did get pregnant with an IVF/PGD daughter on the first try after two sons.  So, I guess that is suppose to make me feel absolute and total joy and excitement, right?!  Well, I don't feel that way, at least not yet.  I'm 11 weeks pregnant with what is a 99.999% female baby and I feel more anxiety than i have ever felt in my life.  I've never felt so anxious, so much so that it's making me feel depressed too.  I think that it will get better as i get further into my pregnancy, see some girl parts to confirm my PGD results, and start planning for my daughter to be born...but right now, i think the stress from the whole process just took a toll on me and i feel overwhelmed.  I think that when you invest that much heart, money, energy, etc in the process, the pregnancy can be a very high stress one.  Anyway, I know that once I have my daughter in my arms, it will all be worth it, but right now, I feel like curling up in a ball much of the time.

 

there is a huge thread on the forums suggestions with lots of insightful comments from ladies asking and answering this very question. have a look, its really helpful.

I had a daughter after 3 boys and I found those first few months the most confusing and upsetting of all my pregnancies. It was mostly other peoples comments and expectations that made it hard and probably the fact that i expected to float off blissfully now i had a dd. the reality was so different. I couldnt begin to explain it here. I just remember bringing her home to a sea of pink presents in my normal blue house. It was over whelming. after 3 lovely mild tempered boys I found I had a baby that didnt sleep well,didnt stop crying and wouldnt take her feeds easily. Not the placid little baby the other 3 had been at all. she was hard work from the off.... They were all blonde,blue eyed and happy babies but she was the exact opposite. dark haired dark eyed and more boyish looking than they ever were. I admit to feeling a bit cheated for a while lol. I quickly tired of the pink stuff and as she was sck on most everything I put on her I went for practical rather than pretty.

I decided early on I was a boy mum, I knew how to do it and what to expect. I felt comfortable with my boys and distanced from her. My mil drove me crazy with her choice of clothes, she kept buying frilly,girly dresses and I hated them. they didnt suit dd and I hated ironing them There were some awkward moments when mil visited, which was often.

dd is 8 mths now, weve come to an understanding, I understand she got a short temper and she understands that shes one of 4she is the worst tempered out of the 4 and the still cries a lot of the time. shes turned the house upside down and nothing is the same as it was. I do think some of it is simply because she is a girl and the attention she whipped up after so many boys in the family meant she got spoilt quickly.

I have to say that aside of all of that having her bought my GD back with a vengence. I felt so guilty about my feelings which I had during the preg and just after he birth of my 3rd son. I was completely miserable when I knew he was a he, There are not so many pics of him as a newborn, his baby book has huge GD gaps and when I look at the pics I do have, I can see how I was feeling. I still feel so guilty,I adore him now but I cant get that time back and put it right.

I only wanted what I thought I would get anyway, both genders. No desire for pink satin, girly shopping or hair bows. I didnt want a princess. I do feel under pressure to produce a girl that fits into others expectations. I ended up arguing with mil when she called unnanounced and baby was wearing a blue babygro, how ridiculous. I decided months ago to bring her up exactly the same as the boys, no difference, no extras and no interference from anyone. It got easier from then. Im not buying in to the sterotyping,she is who and what she is. 

Have a look at the other thread,Im sure you will find it interesting. gl

 

ThreeBoys2love:

I guess you can say this about me.

Getting your DG does do away with (well, mostly) all the wanting, the looking at other families and being jealous, walking past the girl/boy isles and have this very painful longing. 

But, getting your DG does not meet all your dreams and expectations, at least in my case.  I too, like Blessed, had a hard pregnancy.  The guilt I feel everyday about maybe favoring my dd is bad.  I look back now and realize everything I missed with my boys because my view was clouded with disappoitment about not having a daughter.  And I constantly worry about my dream getting taken from me.  I have not worried like this ever before.  It is truly a hugh mix of emotions that is hard.

And although my dd is only 17 months old, she is nothing like I dreamed.  She is a girl, I do get to dress her up and she likes bracelets....but everything else about her is so 'boy' (and yes, I am sterotyping, bad I know).  She is a walking tornado, so very active and messy.  Bites and screams when she doesn't get her way. And can throw temper tantrums that can outlast anyone.  She climbs everything she can.  SHe never sits still, hates to be confined.  I cannot take her shopping or to resturants.  I can also say many nice things about her.....but all because she is my kid.  Not because she is the calm, quiet, sweet, pink loving baby girl I dreamed of. 

I do hope that someday she will do mom/daughter things with me, but I really don't see that happening.  There are many days I think 'buyers remorse' too.  It was so very, very easy with my three boys.  If only it wasn't ruined by my desire for a girl. 

And I know, she is just being a toddler and it all will get easier...but right now, I am overwhelmed with 4 kids and my very high needs 1 year old. 

I hope your boy is everything you and your husband want him to be. 

 

I admit, this puts everything into perspective...brings out the reality instead of the fantasy most people tend to bring out. Not saying, it's bad to dream about what you want for your kids...but there is a never a guarantee that what you expect will happen. My neighbor was desperate for a girl and had a girl after two boys and dreamed and expected to bring out a girly girl, a true princess...never happened as her girl is completely the opposite and has been driving her mad since she was a baby and still is. Her kids are very active and be rowdy, but her DD is the most ill-tempered stubborn, and most annoying one out of her three kids . Another example that proves that stereotypes are false!

My DD is just a toddler, and as such, has not really shown any bias toward girly vs boyish things. She has such a great spark of a personality though, and I just can't see being disappointed with her. But it's my 2 DSs who turned my expectations around - in a good way. I always wanted a DS first and expected that he would be very stereotypically 'boy' - rough and tumble, like sports, be adventurous, fun loving, funny, etc. I had a DS first, but he has a lot of interests that are stereotypically female - he is OK about sports but is often a reluctant participant. He can sit for long periods reading or doing crafts, colouring, etc. He loves make believe games, and especially loves playing school, and tends to be pretty serious. He was just 2.5 when DS2 came along, and in my mind, I was a bit torn about gender - I thought I would prefer him to be a girl to ensure I had one of each and then for the third, I wouldn't care. But on the other hand, I also wanted a brother for DS1. I wasn't too bummed out about having another boy until after he was born, as it hit me that I might never have a DD. In my mind, I already had a DS and wanted a DD. At that time, DS1 was still young enough that his preferences and personality hadn't formed to the extent that he showed a lot of the preferences I described above. And now, DS2 is way more the 'typical' boy, and much more like the son I assumed my DS1 would be. Does that make sense? If GD has taught me anything, it is just to appreciate these precious people for who they are, and not what we think we want them to be. I think if we focus too much on the stereotypes, we are going to miss out on getting to know these unique and wonderful people.

My DD is 7 years old and although I love her to death, we're like oil and water.  I connect better with my eldest son.  My DD is a nice mixture of girly-girl and just a normal kid.  She has such a dry sense of humor and truly is an old soul.  Still, it's not like I had thought it would be like.  My oldest son and I talk for hours.  He is so caring and thoughtful.  I suppose my point is that every child is unique.  Having a daughter will not make one instantly connect.  The personalities of the mom and the daughter play a huge role.  

I think this is an excellent thread and I'm going to look up the other one, too.... I have seen this happen a few times. I remember reading about a lady who was desperate for a daughter after her boys and eventually had one, but it was so very different than she thought it would be.... and I think that is what we all have to remember, no matter what gender we have GD over! It is about personalities, not gender, and what we HOPE for might not be what we end up with in the end.... which ultimately, might be even more disappointing for us. My brother thinks that I have had such high hopes and dreams for what it would be like to have a daughter that I would almost surely have been disappointed. I would never have wanted to make a daughter into a "mini-me" or mould her into someone I wanted her to be instead of letting her be who she wanted to be or anything like that.... because I do believe in nurturing a child's true spirit, but I'm sure my brother is right in some ways, because in the end, nothing in life is really exactly how we always pictured it to be, is it? Great thread, thanks for posting it!

This is a great topic with many insightful and helpful posts.  I am 26 weeks preggo with my dd after 3 boys and have had similar thoughts and feelings.  I wonder if I should have left well enough alone and remained the princess in my house.  I worry that my dd will have pressure from family and friends to be something she's not.  I have learned so much from my 3 boys.  My first two are not at all typical boys.  They are sensitive and small framed and down right pretty.  Neither enjoys engaging in group sports, they are bashful, easily influenced by others, etc.  Not the rugged, self-confident sports fanatics I thought they would be.  I often wonder if my girl will be the big-boned soccer player.  I will love them all unconditionally regardless but it has been very hard watching my boys struggle with bullies, sports, making friends, etc.  More than anything I hope my dd is happy in her own skin and knows that she is loved for who she is.  Unfortunatlely, there is so much pressure on boys to be tough and girls to be feminine.  I just wonder if she'll struggle to fit as my boys have at times.  Being a mom is a wonderful, but emotional roller coaster, and starting over once again is both scary and exciting.   

Thanks everyone for the very honest and heartfelt posts!